have you ever heard of “eddie would go” ?
its something you sometimes hear surfers say, and it comes from the Hawaiian legend surfer/lifesaver eddie aiku. he was a big wave surfer who disappeared risking his life to save someone from drowning.
“eddie would go” basically means, when you’re looking at big waves and feeling unsure, or taking a big risk, channel courage of eddie’s legend and do it.
it’s an affirmation to go!
and it’s the mantra that kept popping into my head while I was in Bali, a surfer’s paradise.
bali is a beautiful island, super easy to get around and filled with tourists and travelers that are well accommodated all over. so why did I have these feelings of uncertainty?
I think first there’s the element of disconnect when you travel in general that keeps most people (myself included) from going .
you’re at the mercy of WiFi and time differences and planes and volcanoes and sketchy ATMs and kind strangers. You are risking what you leave behind- will your little world change without you for a the week, month or year you away? if things go to plan, you’ll be back with a golden tan and pretty pictures soon enough- but if the unexpected happens, you just must deal- in a new place, with a new culture, a different government, different rules.
its a risk I’m willing to take, because “go” is all i know, but I guess the sensation around the volcano in Bali really made me realize, I’m much less brave and smaller traveler than I thought.
okay, first, let me introduce the volcano. Bali, like Hawaii and the Azores, is part of a chain of islands formed by volcanos. The highest point on the island is the volcano Mt. Agung, and throughout 2017 it has been bubbling, pouring smoke, and basically due to erupt. I vaguely knew about it before leaving, but I felt like it was another meaningless thing to worry about. i wasn’t concerned.
until they closed the airport in Bali that I flew into and was supposed to fly out of. even writing this, i realize my selfishness- but yeah, when they closed the airport it suddenly felt like something that affected ME. I suddenly read every piece of news on the eruption 60km away.
when the airport closed, i felt like instead of holding a round trip ticket, I had fallen down a wormhole, I was on the other side of the world looking for the long way home.
and in the shadow on an erupting volcano - it was a very long way home - 15 to 24 hours on a bus to the nearest open airports for the 7 hour flight to shanghai connecting to the 14 hour flight home. I know this because I spent a few hours researching planes, trains and automobiles across the Indonesian islands Wednesday morning while the airport was closed.
maybe an exercise in futility, maybe a stroke of paranoia, but I couldn’t totally just follow the advice of the US consular and “wait it out, have a drink and relax!” when the moment felt so critical. no one knew for sure when the bigger eruption was due. no one knows now. I tortured myself with thoughts like what if- I was now living in the critical moment now where my actions could make a difference
(maybe you feel it most during a volcano, but really, aren’t we always living in a critical moment where our actions can make a difference?)
what if choosing to leave while things were calm instead of relaxing and pushing down my fears, could save me all the fuss of evacuating after the big eruption?
so I did all I could to charge the hectic situation - behind a computer, the embassy, at the airline counter, at the halted airport, and everywhere trying to make sense of the situation.
In the end it was a zero sum game. for all my effort, all I did was change my flight to leave one day sooner. had I done nothing, I still would have gotten home on time- my original flight was never delayed after all.
but maybe those hours of useless panic were a precious gift after all. maybe it was only an exercise in futility- but it felt completely real. my mind was racing. I was weighing my time, my life, money, my ingenuity, everything - like it really mattered.
and I’m grateful it all worked out, because I found a new situation that made me really nervous. and I realized what I care about. changing my flight one day didn’t make so much of a difference, but over those 18 hours gained at home- by coincidence or subliminal force- I spent quality time with every member of my family for the first time in months. and I realized something about myself. I would always choose to GO over being stuck anywhere, even in paradise.